Abuse can happen to anyone and it is never your fault.
It can include bullying, neglect, put downs, name calling, controlling what you do, rape,
sharing intimate images of you and many more things.
If you are not sure if what is happening to you is abuse or not, you can talk to someone at 18u about it.
No one has any right to hurt, frighten or abuse you in any way, no matter who they are, and you have every right to get help. If you are able to talk to someone about what has happened, you may be better able to deal with your feelings, know what to do, or get help to stop the abuse.
Abuse can make you feel really bad about yourself and sometimes you might think that you are to blame for what has happened to you, but no one is ever to blame for the actions of other people.
The sooner you can talk about what is going on for you, the sooner you can get help to think through what you might be able to do about it.
Read the FAQ below for answers to some common questions about abuse
Abuse can make you feel really bad about yourself and sometimes you might think that you are to blame for what has happened to you, but no one is ever to blame for the actions of other people.
The sooner you can talk about what is going on for you, the sooner you can get help to think through what you might be able to do about it.
Read the FAQ below for answers to some common questions about abuse
Is it only girls that are sexually abused?
No, boys and people who are non-binary can be sexually abused too.
Where does abuse happen?
Abuse can happen anywhere. But most abuse happens at home, or in the home of the abuser.
Is it only certain kinds of people that get abused?
No. Unfortunately abuse can happen to anyone. Abusers often befriend their victims and make them feel special before gradually going on to abuse them.
Is it only strangers or sick people who abuse children and young people?
No. Most abusers are not two headed monsters, or sick or even strangers. Anyone who has more power than you, can be an abuser. Sometimes abusers are really nice people that you know and trust.
Why don't young people just tell on the abuser?
It is very hard to tell about abuse because often the abuser is someone that you have grown to need and love. If you love someone you don’t want them in trouble. Sometimes too, the abuser has made threats, blamed the young person or made them feel too ashamed or scared to tell anyone.
Sometimes a young person will have told someone but they didn't react in a way that helps. If this ever happens to you remember it is. not your fault. Sometimes you may have to tell more than one person to get help and support.
Sometimes a young person will have told someone but they didn't react in a way that helps. If this ever happens to you remember it is. not your fault. Sometimes you may have to tell more than one person to get help and support.
I've heard that you get abused then you will be an abuser when you grow up. Is that true?
This is not really true or false. Most of the time if you have been abused then you know how bad it feels and would not do that to someone else. Abusers choose what they do. They are clever and cunning about it and always try to hide it. They are in full control of their actions. Sometimes abusers have been abused but that doesn't explain or excuse what they do. Often abusers have not been abused.
My mum hits me when I am cheeky or I don't do as she says. I am covered in bruises, but she says she can hit me if she wants as I am her child. Is that abuse?
No that isn't true. Your mum does not own you and she has no right to hit you or hurt you. Is there a friend or a relative you can talk to? If not, you can talk to someone at 18u.
My step father looks at me funny and sometimes rubs against me when going past. I feel really uncomfortable. Is that abuse?
Yes, this is abuse. Your step dad is in a position of power and trust and he should not be behaving like this. If you can, tell your mum and get her help to make him stop. If you feel you can’t tell your mum, talk to a friend or a relative or someone at 18U.
My boyfriend has a nude picture of me and threatened to share it on social media unless I had sex with him. I feel trapped and scared. What can I do?
This is abuse. If you feel you cannot stand up to him, talk to a friend or relative or someone at 18u and get some help with this. He will continue to behave like this until you stand up to him, but you may need help to do this.
Can it be abuse to watch porn? When I visit my aunt and uncle's house they put it on and ask me to watch it with them. Is that OK?
No it's not OK. No child or young person should be made to watch any movie they don’t want to, and certainly not a movie intended for adults. This certainly sounds like abuse and you should think about talking to someone about it.
What if I deserved it?
You didn't. No one ever deserves to be abused. Sometimes abusers say that but it’s not true.
There are many forms of abuse. You can swipe through the tabs in this section to learn more about them.- Grooming is when someone builds a relationship, trust and emotional connection with a child or young person so they can manipulate, exploit, and abuse them. Children and young people who have been groomed can be sexually abused, exploited, or trafficked. Many abusers use grooming tactics to gain cooperation from the young victims, prevent discovery and prepare the young person for sexual abuse. This is a deliberate tactic used by abusers and some of the behaviours are similar to normal adult child interactions. Abusers may also use grooming to gain the trust of families and increase their access to children.
Some abusers deliberately seek out single parents to access their children. Community grooming is also common where the abuser becomes a respected member of an organisation such as the police, social work, scouts, or youth group to gain access to children. The abuser works to create a positive reputation that makes accusations of abuse unlikely to stand up especially if made by an increasingly troubled teenager. Grooming can also be carried out by a peer or a family member.
Grooming strategies range from affirming (gifts, attention, bribes, flirting, etc.) to hostile (threats, intimidation, blackmail, coercion). Grooming is a process over time as the abuser slowly desensitises the victim to sexual activity and normalises the abuse. The grooming involves both physical and psychological strategies gaining the child’s trust, increasing compliance, and ensuring the child's silence. - Child sexual abuse (CSA) is an act which involves the child in the pursuit of sexual gratification of another person who is in a position of power, creating a harmful, abusive experience. It can include both contact and non-contact experiences. In most cases of child sexual abuse the abuser is known to the child and is in a position of trust or power. The abuser will often be someone who appears to be an ordinary, respectable, well-liked person. Abusers are never obvious until they are caught. It is not only men who abuse children, women can also be abusers, but studies consistently report most abusers are male. Children can be sexually abused by siblings and peers too and the risk of abuse from peers increases during the teenage years.
- Physical abuse is well recognised, and most people are familiar with the signs of physical abuse including bruising, broken bones and unexplained injuries. Physical abuse can lead to serious injury and even death but with the higher awareness of this type of abuse, it is becoming less common. It is also now illegal in the UK to physically punish a child.
- Emotional or psychological abuse as it is sometimes called is an aggressive and negative attitude towards a child, which might not be physical, but includes verbal assaults on the child’s sense of worth or wellbeing and humiliating or demeaning behaviour towards the child. Emotional abuse is thought to be far more prevalent than child sexual abuse or physical abuse, but it does also frequently include physical or sexual abuse.
- Neglect is also difficult to recognise and can linked to other forms of abuse such as psychological abuse and is extremely damaging to the child or young person. It can lead to long term mental health issues and can be difficult for people to understand the traumatic effects it can have. Often the absence of anything tangible to talk about to describe how a young person is feeling makes it harder to recover from some of the effects of neglect. Some neglect leads to long-term physical health problems associated with poor diet or lack of medical care.
- Domestic violence is a common form of abuse, mainly directed at women and their children by male partners and ex-partners. It is now acknowledged though that all genders including men can also experience domestic abuse and it also exists in same sex relationships. Such abuse can be very extreme, and consists of emotional, physical and/or sexual abuse sustained over a long period of time. People often believe that if the children are not experiencing direct abuse, then it is doing them no harm. This is not the case. Children often know what is going on no matter how hard a parent tries to hide things from them. What they don’t know they often imagine from what they hear. They often hear arguing, shouting, and fighting. This is abusive and can cause tremendous fear and many problems for the children.
- Children and young people are often taught to be wary of strangers yet abuse by strangers is rare. Peer abuse on the other hand is highly prevalent in UK society. Children and young people are most at risk from people they know and trust, and are often related to, in their own home. When they experience sexual violence outside the home, it is often by peers rather than strangers who are the perpetrators. A definition of peer abuse can be, “child sexual abuse perpetrated by other children and young people, often labelled harmful sexual behaviour, as well as peer-to-peer sexual coercion, which can often occur in the context of a relationship or friendship group.
Peer-on-peer sexual abuse can involve a range of different kinds of abuse sometimes occurring at the same time and ranging from, extreme violence, partner violence, sexual abuse, bullying, sexual exploitation, and financial and criminal exploitation. In the UK around one-third of sexual offences against children are initiated by another child. Research with adult CSA survivors highlighted that 66% had experienced abuse from another child or young person rather than an adult. - Child sexual exploitation involves forced prostitution, production of commercial sexual materials, survival sex, forced marriage, and any kind of forced sexual performance. Children in residential care are particularly vulnerable to sexual exploitation particularly out of the area placements and unregulated accommodation for 16- and 17-year-olds. Children felt unprotected by care home staff failing to intervene when they knew or suspected that they were being sexually exploited. Others were frustrated that those who had sexually exploited them were not held accountable through the criminal justice system. Children with disabilities are also at heightened risk of sexual exploitation.
- Online abuse can take place through any device that is connected to the Internet such as a phone, tablet, TV, games consoles. It can happen over social media, texts, messaging apps, email, online chats, online games, live streaming sites and forums. Abusers have become very skilled at using the Internet to access children and young people and even more skilled in their online grooming techniques.
Forced or unwanted sexting are known as image‐based sexual abuse and include the distribution, posting, or threats to distribute or post nude or sexual images. Typical forms of image‐based sexual abuse are threatening to distribute sexual images to pressure the victim into doing something (sextortion). The sexual content involved in sextortion might have initially been sent willingly by the victim, but it may later be used by the abuser to threaten the victim to obtain more images, participate in cybersex, or coerce the victim into having sexual relations.